is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
