Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
