fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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