I heard we made out
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
