Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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