I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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