Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You ate ashes out of my bong
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
