There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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