i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
