You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize