Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
