The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize