I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
