I think I won the penis lottery.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
