this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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