I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
