btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
