p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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