you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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