And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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