This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
