I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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