Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
