Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
