Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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