shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
