I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
