sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
