yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
