I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
