I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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