hotel room ftw
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
