Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
