OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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