every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
