So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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