it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
