My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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