I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
