I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
