i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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