Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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