you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
