Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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