i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
