You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
