Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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