Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize