In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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