FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
