we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
