Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize