i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
