I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
