i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
