At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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