just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize