Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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