I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
