My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
