i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
