Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
