So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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