I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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