He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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