Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
